Helen wakes to hear a soft tapping at the door ‘Mmm? …Come in..’
‘Good morning, Helen…and how are you this morning?’ Harriet James smiles kindly as she pushes the door open sufficiently to walk in. ‘I am so pleased Kester persuaded you to stay. Tea or coffee?’
Helen flusters and sits up…’Oh…I really don’t mind…anything that’s going…I’ll get it…You shouldn’t be waiting on me’ She pushes back the duvet ready to swing her legs out of bed ‘I’m up…Sorry’
Harriet sits on the edge of the bed and pulls the duvet over her again ‘There is absolutely no hurry…and how are you?’ she repeats ‘you avoided answering that question’
‘I’m…fine…and very sorry for causing such a fuss’ Helen flushes. ‘You were both extremely kind to me….considering’
Harriet gets up and closes the door, returning to sit at Helen’s side. ‘In a strange way, I am glad that the dreadful business is out in the open. I did have an idea that you had been attacked in that way’ she admits, folding her hands in her lap and looking somewhat shamefaced. ‘I wasn’t being purposefully nosey but I did see some correspondence from a group…on your computer when I visited…You must have been reading it when I arrived….Do you remember ?’
‘No…I don’t remember’ Helen mumbles, glancing at the door.
‘I had no idea if you were a counsellor….or a victim and I am truly sorry it turns out to be the latter’
Helen’s mouth tightens. ‘Did Kester already know?’ she asks with a sinking feeling in her stomach.
‘No, no he didn’t…’ Harriet shakes her head ‘But I have to admit to warning him that sometime in the future he may have to deal with a situation he had not come across before’
‘Why did you do that?’ Helen’s tone becomes defensive.
‘Because I knew how very fond of you he had become’ Harriet smiles putting out a hand to unfold the collar on the shirt Helen is wearing and patting it into place.
‘He told you?’
‘Not in so many words but, as I have said before, there is not much that escapes my attention as far as he is concerned. He could deny it all he liked, but I knew the truth of the matter’ She lifts Helen’s hair and pushes it over her shoulder, her eyes twinkling. ‘And if I needed any confirmation at all, it was very clear how he felt when I actually saw him in your company. At my little do’ she clarifies.
‘It was?’
Harriet gives a soft chuckle and clasps Helen’s hand ‘It most certainly was…and I believe you had a good long chat before you came to bed?’
‘Oh…’ Helen blushes. ‘We did…but…’
‘He was lying there grinning like a Cheshire cat when I went in just now. I knew something must have happened’
‘Nothing happened!’
‘No, darling…not happened as in ‘happened’….but happened as in him admitting the way he feels about you. Nothing pleases me more than you two becoming something other than just friends, you do know that, don’t you?’
‘But I…I haven’t promised anything..’ Helen stammers awkwardly.
‘And he is happy to accept that’ Harriet assures. ‘I have never seen him quite the way he is this morning’
‘You’ve been talking about me?’
‘I had to ask why he was looking so pleased with himself, didn’t I? I think it’s wonderful’
‘You don’t mind that I….’
‘If you are going to say what I think you are going to say, I shall be very cross. No, of course I don’t….and neither does he’
Helen smiles shyly and lowers her eyes. ‘I realise that now’
After a brief knock, the door opens and Kester’s head peers round it. ‘I thought I heard talking. Okay if I come in?’
‘And if you had been wrong, wouldn’t it have been more gentlemanly if you had waited for an answer to your knock before you came in?’ Harriet chides.
Kester closes the door and knocks again.
‘Now you are being ridiculous! Helen, darling, I really think you should think again very seriously about being associated with such a fool’
‘Well, can I come in?’ Kester asks from behind the closed door.
‘You can come in’ Helen says, self-consciously pulling the duvet further round her.
Harriet smiles with affectionate satisfaction as Helen smoothes her hair and blushes as Kester enters the room.
‘Hello you’ He crosses to the bed and takes the opportunity as she looks up at him to bend and kiss her gently on the forehead. ‘That shirt looks better on you than it does on me! Sleep ok? ’
‘Kester!’ Helen lowers her eyes and her blush deepens. She glances at Harriet smiling at them both.
‘Don’t mind me…I’m going to start breakfast. Are you hungry, dear?’
‘Could eat a horse’ Kester replies without taking his eyes off Helen.
‘You’ll have to make do with bacon. Helen?’
Helen shakes her head ‘No, nothing for me thank you. I’ll be down shortly’
Kester sits on the bed ‘I could bring you coffee here if you want’ he offers as Harriet leaves the room.
Helen’s eyes flicker nervously to the closed door ‘No…that’s alright…I’ll get up in a minute when you’ve…’
‘Gone?’ Kester smiles and walks over to the door to open it again. ‘That better?’
‘I’m sorry’ Helen apologises as he seats himself on the chair next to the dressing table ‘…. It’s not because you’re here….I don’t like the door closed even when I’m on my own’
‘It’s fine by me…it doesn’t matter. Not the time to ask why?’
‘No…but you can probably guess. I like to see…see what’s out there…who is out there. Please…’ She stretches out her hand ‘I didn’t mean for you to move’
‘Oh..okay’ He grins and moves back to the bed ‘That’s great’
‘Great?’
‘You trust me’
‘Yes…yes I do’
‘I won’t let you down…that’s a promise. Do I get a morning hug?’
‘I think you might’
‘Oh God!’ Helen wakes with a sudden start, pushing herself away from Kester and sitting up ‘I’m sorry…I’m really sorry. What time is it?’ She throws back the duvet and looks agitatedly around the sitting room. ‘I’ve got to get home!’
‘Whoa!’ Kester puts out a hand and catches her sleeve ‘It’s just after one…and everything’s under control. You’re to stay here…or the house if you’d prefer’
‘I can’t’ Helen avoids looking at him directly, tidying her hair with her fingers and searching for her shoes with her feet.
‘Jessie is taking care of Alfie…’ Kester leans forward to put his arm at her back. ‘Harriet got it all sorted’
Helen groans and covers her face with her hands.
‘She didn’t say anything…only that you were feeling unwell, that’s all’
‘No…I didn’t mean….Oh God’ she groans again as memory of the events of the previous evening surface. ‘I’m sorry…I’m sorry for everything…Please, I should go’. The hunt for her shoes becomes more frantic. ‘…I feel so…’
‘Don’t say ashamed…don’t say that’ Kester lifts his arm to her shoulder and strokes her neck with his fingers.
Helen shrugs him off. ‘Help me find my bloody shoes! I need to go home’ she moans, scanning the floor either side of her.
Kester slides from the sofa and kneels in front of her. ‘Helen’ he says evenly, taking both her hands firmly in his ‘Look at me…. You did nothing to be ashamed of…..nothing’
‘But…’
‘No, Helen, you didn’t and I mean that…’ He sits on his haunches; his thumbs caressing the tops of her hands as he holds them. ‘But I am deeply ashamed my mother was the cause of all this upset’ He bows his head ‘I can’t put that right; even murdering the bitch wouldn’t take away the hurt she’s caused’
‘Kester, please don’t speak that way, she didn’t cause the hurt’
‘No…’ He lifts his face ‘But she took great pleasure in letting us know what had happened. She was pissed because Harriet got the jump on her when it came to the press. She hit back at us, using you and I hate her for it’
‘Yes’ Helen lowers her eyes. ‘I can’t forgive her for that’ Her face flames ‘I am so sorry you had to find out that way’
‘Would you have told me otherwise?’ he asks gently.
‘It’s not something I want to talk about now’ she evades and quickly pulls her hands away to push her hair behind her ears, beginning the search for her shoes again.
‘No… ok…but if you need…if ever you’re ready…’
She looks at him sharply. ‘I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. I was fooling myself if I thought I was getting over it… If nothing else, last night proved I’m nowhere near doing that’
‘Won’t you find it easier now you have someone to talk to?’
Helen pauses, the one shoe she has retrieved from under the sofa held in her hand. ‘I do talk about it…I do talk…I belong to a group…It’s been very helpful…’
‘But only to other women who have gone through the same?’
‘Mostly’ She says defensively, pulling on her shoe ‘what difference does that make. Who else am I supposed to talk to?’
‘Me’ Kester replies without hesitation.
‘Oh, yes…that would’ve been a good opening line wouldn’t it? Hello, I’m Helen, I was raped and my partner couldn’t take it, nice to meet you’
‘He-len…stop…please’
Helen rounds on him angrily. ‘Stop what? Feeling bitter? Have you any idea…’
‘No, no I haven’t and I said as much before…but I want to be there for you now’
‘Oh, yes…of course you do’ Her lip curls. ‘What a good cause I must be’
Kester’s eyes cloud and a pulse throbs at his jaw. ‘Is that what you think of me?’
Helen’s shoulders slump apologetically and she lifts her hand to briefly touch his face. ‘No…no it isn’t…’ she sighs ‘I just wish…I wish…Oh, God!’ she groans.
‘Didn’t you hear any of what I said earlier?’ he asks.
‘Some….but there’s no need to feel sorry for me…I coped before...I shall cope again’
‘The bit about you being special to me?’
‘Ye-es…I did…but that was..’
Kester holds her hand to his cheek again, pressing his lips against her wrist. ‘You are special to me…’ he says, enunciating each word separately in a clear and definite voice ‘and I didn’t realise just how special until…until I thought there was never going to be a chance for me to tell you’
Bringing her hand down to rest in her lap, he closes his other over the top and sighs as she sits staring blankly. ‘What happened to you…Oh I don’t know…I don’t know how to explain…Apart from wanting to kill them both for what they did to you…that bloke and…Toby whatever his name was…I felt…’
Helen blinks out of her daze, takes her hands from his and smoothes her hair. ‘Sorry for me…yes…a natural reaction’ She shifts in her seat, lifting the duvet that drags on the floor in the hope that her second shoe is underneath it.
‘Noooo! I’m sorry it happened but I don’t feel sorry for you!’ Kester groans in exasperation, moving out of her way. ‘That wasn’t it…I just wanted to…. make you happy again. Just put my arms around you and keep them there…. always’
‘Always is a very long time’ she mutters dismissively, preoccupied with her search.
He stills her with his hand and waits until he has her attention. ‘I would really like the chance to see if you could ever feel that way about me’
Helen breaks eye contact and gathers the duvet into a heap next to her. ‘Kester…You’re not well…and last night was very emotional…It’s not surpri…’
‘Are you always this bloody awkward or is it that you really do hate my guts?’ Defeated, he rocks back on his heels again.
‘No….of course I don’t but surely you can understand why I…’
‘That was then…this is now and I am trying to ask you out!’ Kester almost shouts in his frustration with her.
Helen turns to him slowly. ‘You are? You want to take me out…even knowing…’
‘Yes, for God’s sake! I want to take you out…I don’t care about your past…. it’s our bloody future I’m bothered about. How much clearer can I make it? ‘
‘Oh’
‘Is that all you can say?’
‘No…I mean….really?’ Helen still looks stunned.
‘Yes!’
‘Really, really?’ Her teeth press into her bottom lip trying to stop it from quivering.
Kester shuffles forward on his knees and cups her face with his hands. ‘Really, really’ he smiles ‘I promise to be a friend above everything else…but…yes…I was hoping there might be something more. I can do slow…’ he says softly, brushing the hair away from her cheek with his fingertips. ‘We don’t have to rush anything…Just tell me you’ll think about it’
Helen hesitates for a brief moment before whispering. ‘I think I’d like that very much’
Tawny House, Manor Road.
Chapter Five
Tawny House, Manor Road.
the next morning
