Shaking, Sandra stands by the back door, looking out onto the garden to where Tim sits, his shoulders slumped, head bowed, his hands clasped loosely between his knees as he stares down at the flagstone base of the small gazebo set at the far end of the lawn.

As if sensing he is being watched, he lifts his head. For a moment he freezes, believing he has imagined her there. Then, as Sandra slowly opens the door and steps out onto the patio, he stands. With a sob, he slips and slides across the wet grass in his hurry to get to her. ‘Where have you been? I’ve been frantic. I thought you’d left me!’ He stops short as Sandra takes a step back, dropping his arms instead of following his instinct to fling them around her.

They stand apart, staring at each other, oblivious to the torrential rain.

‘We need to talk’ Sandra says at last, her voice steady despite the tic at the corner of her mouth.

Tim nods and follows her into the kitchen. Water drips from his saturated clothes and forms a puddle on the tiles around his feet.

‘What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone to work’ Sandra grabs a hand towel from the rail next to the sink and blots her face and hair. She shivers. Behind him, the hall door closes. ‘Jessie’ Sandra explains as Tim swings round ‘She’s waiting for a taxi to get her home. She’s been helping me try to find you’

‘You’ve been looking for me?’

‘You weren’t at work’ she accuses defensively ‘I was worried’

‘I came back. You weren’t here. I thought you’d gone’ Tim pushes his hand through his hair. ‘I wouldn’t blame you’

‘Where would I have gone?’

‘I don’t know. You could’ve been anywhere’ he replies distractedly ‘all I knew was that you weren’t here. Nobody in the village seemed to have seen you. I’ve been everywhere I could think of. I came back to tell you I’ve given in my notice. I don’t even want to risk you thinking…’

Sandra’s eyes widen. ‘Tim, you love that job!’

‘I love you more…Please…it was the only way I could be certain…’ He tries to close the gap between them, putting out a hand to touch her arm. ‘I don’t want to see her. I would have to if I stayed’

Sandra shrugs his hand away. ‘You’d have to see her again?’ she says frostily.

‘No! No….not like that…but we would meet. Some time or another we would meet. I don’t want you thinking that I would do…what I did…again. Sandra…I’m sorry. I don’t know how I can make up for what I’ve done but please don’t leave me’ he pleads.

‘Tim…there will be women in every job you have. Are you going to be moving every five minutes in case one of them dares to find you attractive?’

‘I would never do it again…never…ever. I know it was wrong. I know I’ve hurt you...It was..’

‘If you say ‘one of those things, I think I’ll hit you!’ Sandra’s temper rises. ‘It’s never ‘one of those things’. You didn’t sleep walk into her room, it wasn’t some doppelganger that…took her to bed. That was a conscious action, Tim. You knew what you were doing. You betrayed me, you betrayed our marriage!’

‘But you didn’t want to…’

‘Don’t you DARE put the blame on me!’ Her finger jabs at him angrily as her cheeks redden. ‘ I explained all that! Why didn’t you ever TALK to me? WHY didn’t you ever……why didn’t you just DO something!’

Tim spreads his hands, his face pale with anxiety. ‘I thought that was how you wanted this marriage to be….as friends…living together as friends. I didn’t want to lose you…so I went along with it’

‘That’s rubbish, Tim, and you know it. I wanted a baby. WE wanted a baby! We talked about it. Why didn’t you say something then? Do you know what it feels like to be disappointed month after month after month? And you bloody sympathised!’

‘Please don’t swear, Sandra’ Tim admonishes involuntarily.

‘Swear? If you think that’s swearing, you ought to hear what’s bloody well going on in my head!’ Sandra retorts ‘what the hell’s the matter with you that you couldn’t tell me what I needed to know? Why couldn’t you SHOW me?’

‘I tried…I did try…but’ Tim falters.

‘Don’t…just don’t! If I hadn’t embarrassed myself in front of Jessie, I might NEVER have found out! But that wouldn’t have bothered you would it? You had a nice cosy bed to go to!’

‘Jessie?’ He lowers his voice to an embarrassed whisper as he looks towards the closed door

‘That’s right…Jessie! SHE told me what I needed to know..’

‘She knows about…’

‘Yes she does! And it’s thanks to her I’m even here talking to you. So? Are you going to tell me why?’

‘You know why’ Tim prevaricates, flustered by her uncharacteristic anger.

‘And that was easier than….making love to your own wife? You chose to do… it…with her rather than take the time to explain things to me?’

‘I just told you, that’s how I thought you wanted it to be’ he says quietly, looking close to tears.

‘So where was this baby supposed to come from, Immaculate Conception? You’ve made me look a complete fool. Thank God it was only in front of Jessie. Other people might not have been as kind’

‘I’ve made you look a fool? Who’s the fool in all this? It certainly isn’t you!’ Tim retaliates, feeding on her anger.

‘How have you been made a fool of?’

‘For putting up with it!’ He throws his hands in the air.

‘Putting up? Putting up! Thank you…thank you very much. So now I’m supposed to ‘put up’ with you having had….sex…..with someone else…because…because…I didn’t know HOW?’

‘I didn’t realise it was because you didn’t know…I thought it was because you didn’t want to…and it was a difficult thing to try and talk about. You know how I am’

‘But you’re not that shy you can’t pick someone up in a hotel bar! What did you do, write notes to each other to save the embarrassment of talking?’

‘Now you’re being stupid’ Tim sighs.

‘I’M being stupid? I’ll tell you what’s stupid and that’s me even talking to you after what you’ve done!’

‘It just…’

‘DON’T! I said DON’T say it just ‘happened’. It took us seven YEARS to get from A to B and you’re telling me that after a couple of drinks and a chat she just fell into bed with you?’

Sandra shakes with fury, as Tim stands with his head lowered seemingly unwilling to answer.

‘Well?’

The pulse in his jaw throbs as he looks up, his cheeks flushed with shame. ‘I didn’t go to her, she came to me…to my room’ he says falteringly ‘ …I was ready for bed and just running through my notes for the next day. We’d been talking earlier….but not… intimately…just a chat…and I’d said how lonely these conferences can be sometimes…that I missed home…and you. She must’ve misunderstood me. Misunderstood what I meant’

‘So you’re telling me that this little mouse of a woman took all that on board and decided that you should have a go at being lonely together?’ Sandra scoffs.

‘She isn’t….a mouse. She’s…. quite forceful….’ he excuses.

‘And the next time…and the time after that?  There must have been quite a lot of misunderstanding going on’

‘It was…sort of expected… that that’s what would happen’ Tim rubs a hand over his forehead. ‘I’m not proud of what I did…and I really couldn’t help myself the first time…that’s the truth. I found myself….reacting…in a way that I didn’t really want to. I knew it was wrong….but it had been such a long time since…you know…I’d been with anyone…and I needed it, Sandra, that’s the only way I can describe it…I’d just said goodnight to you…I needed you… but she was there…and very persuasive’ His eyes brim with tears of humiliation. ‘I didn’t know how to say no’ he says in a plaintive whisper. ‘You won’t believe me…but it really hasn’t meant anything…apart from it making things easier here. I’m not made of stone, you know, laying next to you and not….. I don’t even like the woman much…it was just….sex. She even laughed at my pyjamas!’ he adds with inappropriate indignation.

Sandra bites her lip. ‘Your pyjamas, what’s the matter with your pyjamas?’

‘The fact that I was wearing any…I didn’t used to…only if I was staying somewhere..’

‘But you’ve always worn pyjamas..’ she frowns.

‘Not…not…the first time me and you shared a bed…Remember? But then you said something like ‘Aren’t you cold?’….and…..you didn’t want to…you know…so that’s when I knew….or thought I knew…’

‘That all you were was a hot water bottle?’ Sandra closes her eyes, the fight gone out of her. She leans her hands on the back of a chair, suddenly weary.

‘In effect…so I’ve always covered up. I know I’m not quite as….open about this sort of thing as some people. They parade around the changing rooms after swimming or something with no towels, no modesty at all…but I thought…you know…in our own home…with us being married and everything you would expect me to be…less self-conscious’

‘And instead…I made you more self conscious than ever’ she sighs, her shoulders slumping.

‘Last night was wonderful, Sandra. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was…until I spoiled it all. So, there’s no going back, I’ve lost you now?’ Tim asks fearfully.

‘I-I don’t know. I trusted you…’

‘You can trust me again’

‘Can I?’ Sandra asks as their eyes meet.

‘Please don’t let us split up over this. I’ve said I’m sorry. What more can I do? Tell me what to do and I’ll do it…I’ve given up my job..’

‘But that wasn’t for me, was it? That was for you..’ She replies with slow deliberation.

‘I meant it to show I was serious about being sorry…’ Tim’s downcast eyes lift and he looks at her sadly.

‘But…it doesn’t really, does it? All you’re doing is avoiding her…avoiding telling her you don’t want to…be with her at these conferences…. the same as you’ve avoided telling me what I should’ve known years ago. You can’t go on avoiding problems, running away when you get in a mess…’

‘Isn’t that what I’d be doing now if you made me leave? I’m here. I’m here and I want to work things out. I love you, isn’t that important?’

‘Of course it is..’

‘Then…we’re ok?’ Tim’s mouth twists as he tries to control his emotions.

‘I need to think some more. I need to be alone for a little while. You stay…I’ll go’

‘No, Sandra, please…’ He catches her hand as she touches his cheek.

‘I need to get away from everything and everyone…just for a day or two..’

‘You will come back?’

‘I’ll come back…no matter what I decide to do. I love you too, Tim, really I do…but this has hurt me more than you can imagine…’

38 Orchard Avenue

Chapter Seven

25 Piper Street

‘I’m not saying she is…but Liz gimme that look…like she knew more’n she were letting on’ Edna purses her lips at Charlie’s disbelieving snort.

Charlie lays the newspaper he is reading next to him on the sofa and pushes his reading glasses on top of his head. He gives an exasperated sigh. ‘Neither of ‘em int that bloomin’ daft!  Any road, int time enough fer ‘er t’know one way or t’other…even iffin they did ‘ave some sort a accident’ he declares knowledgeably. ‘Ow’s Liz t’know whether the gal’s missed or not?’

Edna’s knitting needles clack furiously. ‘I’m only telling you what she said…what her hinted at’ she snaps, her head bobbing in time with the movement of her hands. ‘P’raps they been having some sort a secret romance what we dint know about’

‘They couldn’t stand sight of each other afore a coupla few weeks ago! Don’t be s’daft woman’

‘Ah…’ Edna comes to the end of a row and points the empty needle at him. ‘But p’raps that’s what we was supposed t’think!’ she says triumphantly.

‘Gawd A’mighty!’ Charlie despairs, flicking his glasses onto his nose again. ‘ Ain’t yer got enough gossip t’be goin’ on with wi’out having the poor gal expectin’? That lad’d be more careful’n that, I’m tellin’ yer straight! And that Helen int the sort t’be droppin’ er drawers on first date, I can tell yer that much!’ He snaps the newspaper open with an annoyed rustle of pages.

‘Charlie!’

‘Well…honest t’God. Ain’t yer got nothing else t’be talking about?’