Sandra lifts her glass to take a drink and stares into the bottom of it, surprised at finding it empty. She looks across the lounge to the small bar in the corner to check if the barman is there or serving at the larger bar of the function room just visible through the connecting door as it opens. She blushes as having noticed her watching, he smiles as he polishes glasses. Turning her book over so as not to lose her place, she rises from the button back armchair and approaches the bar.
‘Another one?’
‘Yes… please. No ice’
‘Coming up!’ he grins cheekily, throwing a glance at the man sliding onto the barstool next to where Sandra is standing before turning and bending to the under-counter chilled cabinet.
‘Let me buy that for you’ the man says.
Sandra turns sharply and freezes, her cheeks reddening. ‘Er…No…it’s fine…it …um…goes on the bill’
‘May I join you?’
‘Um…’
‘Please?’
‘I…er…’
The barman looks first at the man and then at Sandra. ‘I’ll be here for a while, give me a nod if you want a refill, I’ll bring it over’ he says with a meaning not lost on Sandra.
‘Thank you’ She takes her drink and returns to her table.
A minute or two later the man follows, clutching his own glass.
Sandra gives the concerned barman a brief reassuring smile as the man sits in the chair adjacent to hers.
‘Good book?’
‘Yes, thank you. There’s a small library in reception if you’re interested’
‘No, not really. You here on holiday?’
Sandra gives him a strange look. ‘No’
‘Business?’
‘No’ Her frown deepens and the barman starts to clear tables nearby.
‘Sorry’ the man smiles ‘Perhaps I should have introduced myself first. My name is…er…James’
‘James?’ Sandra struggles to swallow her drink without choking and eyes his tuxedo and crisp white shirt. ‘Is that as in Bond?’ she raises a sardonic eyebrow.
‘If that’s what you want it to be’ He adjusts his bow tie.
Sandra looks slightly uncomfortable. ‘I came here to be on my own’
‘Aaww, come on, sharing a drink can’t hurt can it? Let me buy you another’
‘I don’t need one thank you, I’m fine’
‘You certainly are. Anyone ever told you what beautiful eyes you have?’
‘Not for a while’ Sandra admits, lowering her head and blushing.
‘Am I embarrassing you?’
‘Yes’
‘I didn’t mean to. I thought a lonely lady might like the company of a lonely man’
‘What makes you think I’m lonely?’
‘The way you twist your wedding ring round your finger without noticing. I was watching you earlier…while you were reading…or pretending to read. You haven’t turned a page in the last half hour’
‘I-I didn’t see you’
‘No…you didn’t. I was back there’ He nods over his shoulder. ‘Round the corner, I could see you in the mirror’
‘Oh…I see’
‘Except you didn’t’
‘No’
‘Tell me about yourself’
‘What?’
‘I’m interested. You’re married?’
‘You know I am’
‘The ring…yes. Me too. She’s away right now..’
‘So you’re lonely?’
‘Very. You mind if we talk a while?’ He holds up his hands ‘No strings’
The Petersbury Country Hotel
Chapter Seven
Tawny House, Manor Road
‘Not right now, did you want me?’ She replies, lowering the volume to the speakers on the stereo system.
‘You said I should come to you…if I wanted to talk anything over…about me and Helen that is’ Kester puts his hands in his trouser pockets and saunters with contrived nonchalance across the room.
‘That was more to do with you finding out about what happened to the poor girl. Are things not going well between you?’ Harriet looks up at him questioningly.
‘Truth is, I am having problems…. coping...’
‘Coping with the idea of her having been raped?’ She waves him into the armchair.
‘No’ Kester replies as he sits down. In some respects that doesn’t really matter to me at all, it happened long before we met. Somehow it doesn’t mean anything…it’s more of an abstract thing that I can’t relate to Helen’ He sighs, leaning forward in the chair and obviously ill at ease. ‘I can’t really explain. I’m angry it happened of course I am but it has no bearing on how I feel about her’
‘Then what is it you are unable to cope with?’
‘Perhaps cope is the wrong word…maybe understanding might be a better one’
‘Understanding Helen…or understanding the way you feel?’ Harriet probes gently.
‘Both, I suppose. It’s the fall out. Understanding why she is as she is…and dealing with that when all I want to do, if I’m being totally honest’ he says, looking down at the floor ‘is to move on’
‘Oh dear, I can see this is going to be a long sitting. Shall I open a bottle of wine?’
‘No, I’ll only get gloomy…or very drunk’
‘I was only suggesting the one bottle, dear’
‘But then I’d go back to my place and open another’
‘Very well, we’ll forget the drink. Tell me what’s on your mind’
Kester scratches his head, hesitating before speaking. ‘I don’t know where to start. Helen’s different…she’s not…’
‘Not your usual type of girl?’ Harriet finishes for him with a quirk of an eyebrow.
‘More than that’
‘I see’
‘Do you?’ He lifts his eyes, looking at her directly for the first time.
‘I would think that even if she hadn’t gone through that awful experience, she wouldn’t be of your bed them and forget them variety. I am supposing that to be true? You haven’t yet…. progressed the relationship?’
‘A nice way to put it….’ He drops his gaze, uncomfortable at the question. ‘No…I haven’t. She’s not ready; it’s not that I wouldn’t. God!’ Kester looks up again, colour staining his cheeks. ‘This is so embarrassing but I haven’t got anyone else I can talk to. You don’t mind do you?’
‘Not at all…and please don’t be embarrassed. Whatever we discuss here will go no further than these four walls. Helen will never find out that we have been discussing her…ever’
‘Thanks’
‘You’re welcome. I want for you to be happy but at this very moment you look very troubled and uncertain’ Harriet reaches to touch his hand.
‘I’m confused. I seem to be going round in circles. Repeating myself to her, having to constantly reassure her about things. I guess I’m just not used to having to do that’
‘She has gone through a very difficult period in her life’
‘I’m well aware of that but we seem to be going one step forward and two steps back all the time’ Kester sighs and pushes his hair back from a forehead still warm with earlier embarrassment.
‘It is very early in the relationship and you have to make some allowance for her…current state of mind’ Harriet advises.
‘You think that will change?’
‘Is that what is concerning you most?’
‘Concern is perhaps a bit strong but sometimes I think she’ll never get over it. I can understand why she is as she is but we sort one problem…and then there’s another one. Usually to do with me, it has to be said’
‘Why is that?’
‘I don’t want to get angry with her, that’s the last thing she needs but there are times when being… compassionate, I suppose you would call it…is very difficult’ he explains ‘I’m trying to understand she will find everything about our relationship questionable when she’s been treated so badly… but I do care for her…really care for her… and I can’t seem to convince her of that’
‘She will come to trust you, darling. It’s the same old answer, I’m afraid. You have to give her more time. Prove yourself to be trustworthy and she will trust you eventually’
‘But how long must I wait?’ Kester’s question sounds almost desperate.
‘Before you try to progress…’
‘No, I’m not talking about that’ he groans in exasperation. ’That will happen when it happens, if it happens at all’ he adds sullenly.
‘That’s rather defeatist of you, dear’
‘I don’t want to spoil things…frighten her off. But I think I might’ve ruined things by telling her…’
‘Telling her what?’
‘Doesn’t matter’ He shakes his head.
‘Kester’ Harriet says somewhat sharply ‘If I’m to advise you, I have to know everything’
Kester studies the pattern on the rug, delaying an answer until Harriet fidgets with irritation. He looks up from under lowered brows. ‘Like I fool I told her how I really felt, that I loved her’ he mutters.
‘And do you?’
‘I do…but I never intended telling her the way I did or so soon’ He steeples his hands over his nose and sighs ‘It wasn’t exactly romantic. I blurted it out during one of our many ‘discussions’.
‘And?’
‘She looked horrified’ he sighs again.
‘I’m sure that can’t be true, darling’
‘You didn’t see her face’
‘She has agreed to see you again?’
‘Yes…well, I suppose so...pre-arranged…. tomorrow… La Traviata…She likes opera. Thought I’d make the effort’
‘How very noble of you, dear’
‘It is’ Kester agrees with a wry smile ‘you know my feelings on the subject’
‘I do…and I think it’s rather sweet that you have been so thoughtful’
‘Not sure she’ll see it that way now’
‘Don’t be so negative, darling, it’s not the end of the world’
‘It might be’
‘Kester, really! Have you talk to her at all since?’
‘No…not what you would call talk’
‘Then do that!’
‘I will…I’ll have a go…’ he says resignedly ‘on the drive down’
‘May be better to wait for the drive home…and for goodness sake don’t look so hangdog. I’m sure everything will work out for the best. Show her the Kester I know’
‘The Kester you know was never so well behaved’ he rolls his eyes and smiles weakly.
‘Love and lust are so very different aren’t they?’ Harriet returns his smile and squeezes his hand.
