‘I’m sorry…It’s something I feel I’ve got to do’ Kester watches his father turn from him and leave the room. ‘Dad!…Please’ He jumps up from  the sofa and hurries after him. ‘I know this has all come as one hell of a shock…and you don’t know how sorry I am that I feel I’ve got to help this guy…but I want it out in the open. I want other people to know…not just what I went through…but what a scheming bitch my mother really is. They’re all taken in by her…everybody is…you were. I’m not blaming you for what happened to me…’

‘BUT I AM!’ Chris swings round, his face devoid of colour and distorted with distress. ‘I knew she was spiteful…I knew that…I knew that well enough….but I never imagined…’ He presses his hands to his head and groans with physical pain. ‘Oh God, Kester…I’m so very sorry…You needed me! You needed me more than I would have ever believed and I wasn’t there for you! I just wasn’t there’

‘I know how it was…I know your reasons for that’ Kester says steadily.

‘Yes! But I thought she was taking it all out on me!’ Chris smacks the flat of his hand against his chest. ’ME! I never dreamt she was treating you so badly…How could she? How could she?’ He turns away, unable to look Kester in the face. He turns full circle. ‘How could I have been so blind?…I can’t believe I was so naïve…You must have gone through agonies and it’s all my fault!’

‘None of it was your fault’ Kester tries to calm him.

‘I should have stood up to her. You were my son; my son and I loved you. I loved you so much…but I knew’ Chris’s fingers spread and stand rigid as he holds up his hands to stress his words. ‘…I knew if I showed you any affection she would find some way…some little way to hurt you…but spiteful, that’s all!’ He rubs his forehead, his mouth trembling with the effort of holding back tears. ‘Little things…taking away a favourite toy…leaving you out of games with the other two…’ He closes his eyes and tears seep from beneath his lashes. ‘I had no idea that she’d been abusing you! No idea at all. Oh God!…I can’t tell you how sorry I am…there aren’t the words…no words at all to describe the way I’m feeling now…’ He shakes his head ‘I really don’t think I can cope with this…’ he whispers.

‘You have to…’ Kester grabs his arm as he makes to turn away again  ‘The same way as I had to cope. I’m not blaming you…let’s get that straight…Yes…I missed the closeness we had and what we might have had…but I don’t blame you’

‘How can you say that?’ Chris’s voice shakes. ‘I let you down so badly, nothing in this world is going to put that right. What sort of father was I that I let her get away with doing these things to you? … Why didn’t I ever notice what was going on right under my nose? …You bore that all on your own and I let her…I let her’ Tears roll freely down his face. ‘If I’d stood up to her and refused to let her mess with my head…we would have been as close as we were in the beginning…you would have told me what was happening…you would have felt able to do that…But no…I let you down…I let you down so badly’

‘Dad…it doesn’t matter..’

‘Of course it bloody matters!’ Chris retorts.

‘Not now…it’s past…And that’s what I’m trying to say to you. I want that past over and done with… I want to move on but I want my revenge first…If you can’t deal with that…then I’m sorry…but I’m going ahead with it. I came to tell you because I don’t want the first you hear of it being in the papers over Sunday breakfast…I wanted you to know so you’re ready for the backlash…there’s bound to be one.  I hope you can forgive me’

‘Forgive you? Forgive YOU for telling the truth after all these years?’ Chris groans in disbelief. ‘I want that truth out there…I want it…I want it as badly as I want to turn the clock back and make things right for you. You do it, Kester….you do it!’ he says desperately. ‘Where is this man?’

‘Dad…their affair was over years ago. There’s no need to….’

‘You think I give a shit about that? I want to thank him….shake his hand thank him for being there for my son when I wasn’t…giving him the care he had every right to expect from me and didn’t get…’

‘I’m sure he knows…’

Chris’s voice lowers to a menacing growl. ‘Then I want to help him, Kester, I want to help bury that woman. I hate her for what she’s done to me but what she did to you sickens me. Sickens me to the pit of my stomach. Give me a name…give me a number. Where is he?  He wants dirt? …I’ve got plenty’

Orchard Barn

Chapter Sixteen

Orchard Barn

‘And you’re going to help Kester?’  Lynn asks, pushing off her shoes with a small groan of relief and lifting her cup to her lips to take a grateful sip..

‘I’m going to help this man Beauchamp screw her down so bloody tight there’ll be no way she can wriggle out from under. Not now…not now I’ve found out what she did to my son’ Chris paces and turns ‘…OUR son!’ he says, squeezing his forehead between fingers and thumb. ‘How could she, Lynn? …How could she? It’s beyond all reason’ His hand lowers and the same squeezing action wipes his lower lashes of tears.

‘Is anything she does reasonable?’ Lynn sets her cup down and reaches out to persuade him to sit opposite her. She holds his hand across the table. ‘Look at her and Helen…how Kester got to know Helen’s story’ she says, her mouth tightening.

‘Helen?’

‘Yes, Helen…You don’t know?’ she grimaces and bites her lip. ‘Then I’m not sure I should say anything…it’s Helen’s story to tell…but Ruth was unbelievably cruel to her. I won’t say anything more; it’s far too personal…but Helen confided in me and I was shocked that any one person could inflict so much hurt on another human being’

‘I don’t think anything could shock me now’ Chris says, putting his head in his hands.

Lynn strokes his hair ‘Chris….Kester saw Helen through…and Helen will see Kester through this’ she says soothingly ‘I know she will’

Chris lifts his head, his eyes hot and swimming with tears. ‘I want to see him through…ME! I want to make up for all that…that…HURT I caused him!’

‘You are…don’t you see?’ Lynn keeps her voice soft and grasps his hand between hers. ‘He understands. He knows now why things were as they were. He doesn’t hold you responsible for any of it. You’ve reunited…he’s happy’

‘How can he be happy?’ he scoffs, looking away from her.

She gives his hands a shake and squeezes them encouragingly ‘Because you and him have got back together, that’s all he’s ever wanted and that’s come about because he was told the truth and he understood. It was hard for him…but he did understand’

‘And now I’ve lost him again’

‘Nooo! No, you haven’t’ Lynn insists.

‘He must hate me’

‘If he hated you, would he have come here today and told you what he intended doing?’ She stands up and punches him lightly on the shoulder. ’No, he wouldn’t’ she says, trying not to let her own emotions show. ‘He wouldn’t have cared. He came here because he DOESN’T hate you!’ She picks up her cup.

‘I’ll get that’ Chris rises from the chair.

‘It’s okay’ she assures, going to the teapot and refilling her cup. ‘So…what are you going to do?’ she asks.

Chris tips back his head and takes a deep breath, puffing his cheeks as he lets it out, waiting until Lynn is sitting down before speaking. ‘I’ve rung this Jack Beauchamp…told him I’m ready to contribute what I can….’ he tells her as he faces her again ‘Although I don’t suppose there’s a lot I can add to what he and Kester are doing…not on a personal level. I was too damned naïve to pick up what she was doing to him…so I don’t expect I’ll be much help in that quarter’ he says bitterly.

Lynn pats his hand.

‘He’s going to courier me a copy of what he’s drafted and I’m going to go through it, something might occur to me, given a nudge….but on a professional level’ he says through gritted teeth ‘I have plenty to tell, believe me’ He pushes back his chair and goes to the refrigerator, emerging with a can of cola and a look of dismay on his face. ‘Oh God….Shit…’ he hurries back and crouches in front of her, looking shamefaced. ‘How are you? In all this, I’d forgotten about you! …Jeeze’ he groans ‘what sort of husband am I going to make? How did you get on?’

‘Everything is absolutely fine’ Lynn assures with a wry smile.

‘I’m sorry…I should have been with you but…’

‘It’s okay…I never intended that you should come with me. It was only a check up’

‘Yes…but a very important one. It went alright?’

‘Everything is fine. I’m fine…Herbert’s fine’ she assures, rubbing her hand over her abdomen. ‘Chris…do you want to back up a bit?’

‘Back up a bit?’ he looks confused as he stands up.

‘Back up a bit to how you were sorry you’d forgotten me’ She smiles up at him.

‘Yes…I know…I’m sorry. I seem to be saying sorry a lot just lately’ he sighs ‘I’ll be at the next one…that’s a promise’

Lynn presses her lips together. ‘No…that’s not what I meant…there was something else’

‘There was?’

‘Yes there WAS, Chris-to-pher!’

‘Shit…I’m in bother now…’ Chris cowers, crossing his arms in front of his face and giving a brief chuckle. ‘What happened to Chris or darling?’

‘Well…Mister James…if you don’t know, I’m sure as hell not going to tell you’ she huffs and takes her cup to the dishwasher, rattling the crockery with feigned annoyance.

‘Lynn!…Come on…this isn’t fair’

Lynn sucks the smile from her face before she turns round. ‘I…Mister James…am going to have a shower’ she says crisply ‘I feel all sticky with that gunk they plaster all over you. You…’ she adds with a prod to his chest. ‘Can think on!’