‘I came to thank you’ Marilyn Ward whispers in the relative quiet of the library. She touches a hand to Helen’s arm, tears evident in her eyes. ‘That was a very kind thing you did. You don’t know what a difference it’s made to her’

‘Leonie?’ Helen questions unnecessarily and smiles as she turns from the shelves.

Marilyn nods and she lets her shoulders relax as though a great weight has been taken from her mind. ‘A chance to be back with the old gang; it’s done her more good than all these pills she’s having to swallow put together. She came back from seeing you on such a high! She was talking nineteen to the dozen, taking an interest in what was going on around her. It was lovely to watch, really it was. I am so grateful’ She looks away as emotion threatens to overcome her.

‘Nothing to be grateful for’ Helen assures, squeezing Marilyn’s arm

‘I know Nathan’s been very good and Andrew was coming round to being a bit more sympathetic after what went on but it was you….you and Kester she really needed forgiveness from’ Marilyn sighs ‘Oh, she knew she was in the wrong, she knew how cruel she’d been to you and how much she’d upset you both but instead of doing something about it, she just got more and more spiteful to everyone, self-protection at a guess’ She shrugs before lifting her eyes again. ‘It was so good of you, honestly it was’

‘Not really’ Helen admits ‘I felt awful when she…did what she did. That she seriously considered suicide as a way out. I couldn’t help thinking that I’d got something to do with that. That somehow I was to blame’

‘Nooo’ Marilyn contradicts ‘I’m sure you weren’t. She was so down. A lot of other things on her mind’

‘It couldn’t have helped. I think I needed her forgiveness as much as she needed mine. She tried to make an apology and I just cut her off. That day might have turned out so differently if I had been more forgiving then’

‘Whatever the reason, I still want to thank you. It was such a simple gesture but it meant such a lot to her’

‘I’m glad it’s made a difference’ Helen says and starts to walk back to the counter. ‘Truly I am, but it took courage for her to come in the first place. She didn’t know how I would react. She must have been on her way to feeling better’

‘She was in a bit of a state before she came, took her a couple of hours to get out of the house’ Marilyn closes her eyes to the memory ‘Physically sick but determined, I think you could say’

Helen stops and turns ‘She was physically sick?’ she questions in a confidential whisper.

‘Nerves…but she got there. I was so proud of her. AND she drove!’

‘Gosh…I never gave that a thought…of course, she hasn’t been out in weeks…months’

‘She was so angry about that article it fired something in her. She was determined you should know there was nothing going on. I told her you’d know nobody would be fool enough to believe that sort of story but….’ Marilyn grimaces acceptance ‘She said that it would mean more coming from her because…there was no love lost between you, so it had to be right what she was saying. There’s a logic in there somewhere’ she allows herself a short laugh ‘But look where it got her! Just that one small thing and she’s almost back in the land of the living again. Thank you, Helen’ She surprises Helen by hugging her tightly. ‘Thank you from the bottom of my heart’

The Village Library

Chapter Twenty-one

Samms Plant Hire, Oatfield

‘You think I went too soon?’ Nathan worries, lighting another cigarette and holding his lighter out to Ingrid.

‘I’m sure I wouldn’t know’ she sniggers.

‘Get your mind out of the gutter for a sec and…’

‘Me?’ Ingrid gapes an objection. ‘That’s where yours is half the time!’ she says before lowering her head to the flame.

‘Come on…’ Nathan growls. ‘Be serious. I need your advice. Do you?’

‘What?’

‘Think I’ve said too much too soon. Told her how I feel before I should’ve done. Should I have kept quiet…you know kept things to myself until I saw how things were going?’

‘But’ Ingrid blows smoke over her shoulder and picks a stray strand of tobacco from her lip ‘From what I gather…she feels much the same?’

‘So she says’ Nathan leans his back against the wall and crosses his feet at the ankle, trying to look nonchalant.

‘Why should she be any less believable that you are!’

‘Oh, I dunno…you know….women’ He takes another draw from his cigarette.

‘No, I don’t know’ Ingrid takes him to task ‘What is it you’re trying to say?’

‘They say what they think you want to hear’ he mutters.

‘And men don’t? I’m not that old I don’t remember blokes declaring undying love when they were trying to get into my knickers’

Nathan turns his head to glower. ‘I don’t do that’

‘No…most of the women you’ve been with weren’t wearing any!’

‘Ingrid!’

‘True or not?’

‘Yeah…I suppose so…’ Nathan allows with a shrug. ‘Not literally but I get what you mean…but….’ He pushes himself away from the wall and walks slowly backwards and forwards in front of her. ‘I’ve never said it to anyone before…because I’ve never felt like this before’ he admits and stops to look at her as he asks ‘you think I’m being soft? Have I set myself up for another disappointment?’

‘Why, because you’ve laid your cards on the table? Don’t talk wet!’ Ingrid vibrates her lips in a snort reminiscent of a horse.

‘She seemed to find it funny….’ He frowns.

‘Aaw, I don’t suppose she did, not really’

‘How so?’

‘Did she laugh outright?’

‘Noo…not outright…but she was grinning all over the place. I felt a right prick’

Ingrid smiles to herself. ‘I did’ she says dreamily.

‘Did what?’

‘The first time Alex told me he loved me, I laughed until my sides ached’

‘Bet he was well pissed!’

‘He ended up laughing as well’ she sighs ’Best sex we ever had’

‘Oh…right…’ Nathan laughs ‘Thanks for sharing that’

‘Sorry…just remembering’ Ingrid giggles and her cheeks show a tinge of embarrassed pink. She takes another puff of her cigarette and blinks to the present. ‘What I wanted to say was that I was so over the moon; the laughing was like a nervous thing. I couldn’t believe that someone like him would be interested in someone like me. He was drop dead gorgeous…in his younger day….and I looked more like a dike than a babe. I couldn’t see how he could love me…why he would…so I laughed but that was because I was pleased, not because I thought it was funny’ She puts out her cigarette in the ashtray she is holding in her hand. ‘I think you’re being too sensitive’ she says, dabbing the butt several times before offering the ashtray to him.

‘Yeah right’ Nathan says as he takes it. ‘Mister Sensitive I am not’ he growls.

‘I think you are…where Steph is concerned anyway. Did she go all quiet on you, get stroppy and um and ah about seeing you again?’

‘No, she didn’t’

‘Well, there you go then’

‘There I go where?’

‘She didn’t find it funny’

‘Right’ Nathan eyes her doubtfully.

‘Does she push you about, ask you to buy her things, lend her money…’

‘Nooo!’

‘Then she means what she’s saying too’

‘Yeah…right…they’re the yardsticks are they?’ he snorts.

‘It’s a reasonable way of looking at it. What about when and where…’

‘When and where what?’ Nathan looks confused.

Ingrid rolls her eyes and folds her arms in exasperation. ‘Does she only say these things when…you know…when you’re in bed together?’ she says in a loud whisper

Nathan looks around him and then down at the ground.

‘What?’ She flicks his arm with the back of her hand when he avoids the question.

‘We haven’t’ he mumbles.

‘What…not at all?’ she blinks in disbelief.

‘No’

‘Bloody hell…why not, you tied a knot in it?’

‘For now…yes’

‘Okay…that’s fine…if that’s the way she wants it, I can go with that. Now I know you’re serious’ Ingrid smiles. ‘You’d move on to someone who would if you weren’t’

‘It’s not her…it’s me…It’s the way I want it, okay?  Shit! Why am I telling you this? Right…come on…fag break’s over’

‘You?’

‘Leave it, all right?’

‘But I don’t understand why. It’s the most natural thing in the world when you feel like you two do’

‘Because, okay? We’ve got it sorted. She knows why, that’s enough for me…and her’

‘Okay…fair enough’ Ingrid smiles, taking the ashtray to empty in the dustbin at the bottom of the steps.

‘That’s it?’ It is Nathan’s turn to look astonished. ‘No twenty questions, no nagging, no poking your nose in?’

‘It’s nobody’s business but your own’

‘Bloody hell’ Nathan breathes ‘This is a first’

‘Cheeky sod!’ Ingrid bats him. ‘But no, you haven’t gone too soon…and if she cares that much about you, she’ll do for me’