Hearing the lavatory flush and the bathroom door come open, Kester looks at Helen and makes his way to the bottom of the stairs. He sees Nathan hobbling along the landing, one hand gripping the banister, and takes the stairs two at a time. ‘You’re to rest’ he says.

Nathan looks up, his eyes heavy and red-rimmed. ‘Sorry’ his mouth twists ‘I lost it, didn’t I?’

‘Just a bit’ Kester takes his arm and helps him back into the bedroom ‘but you’re okay now. Finish sleeping off what old Cameron shot you with last night and you’ll feel a bit more like it’

‘Sorry, Kes. I’m really sorry’

‘You will be if you try and come downstairs on your own’

‘Helen?’ Nathan looks at him anxiously.

‘Is probably making you a cup of tea. We heard you up’

‘I frightened her’ His breath comes in short gasps as if about to cry. ‘I wouldn’t have done that for the world. She didn’t deserve that. Her face, Kes, her face! I scared her, I can’t take that back, I scared her’

‘She’s fine. She was scared for you not of you. She’ll be up in a minute, you’ll see. You want to get right in or what?’ Kester asks when they reach the bed.

‘I don’t know’ Nathan looks either side of behind him.

‘Whatever, you’ve got to get off those feet, here, just sit on the edge for a minute’ Kester pulls the bedclothes further back. ‘They sore?’

‘Hurt like stink’

‘Nothing too deep but you’re gonna need new mocs’

‘New everything….’ Nathan stares, unblinking, at the white socks holding the dressings in place. ‘…..new life’

‘There’s nothing wrong with the one you’ve got. Come on’ Kester says, plumping and straightening the pillows. ‘Things’ll look brighter once you’ve had another kip’

‘I can’t remember getting here’

‘You were pretty much out of it afterwards. It happens’

‘Yeah, you’d know, wouldn’t you?’ Nathan nods understanding.

‘Yep’ Kester takes a long breath through his nose and lets it out in a series of small puffs of indecision. ‘Nathan…’ he decides finally and sits next to him ‘When you’re up to it, we need to talk’

‘I said I was sorry’

‘About what happened’

‘I lost it, end of’ His shoulders lift and fall.

‘No. About Blythe’

‘I don’t want to talk about that bitch!’ he reacts immediately, his knuckles showing white as he grips the edge of the mattress.

‘My feelings exactly’ Helen comes into the room bearing a mug of tea and a plate. ‘Toast. Didn’t know if you were feeling up to eating…but I thought…you know…just in case’ She sets both mug and plate on the bedside table and opens the curtain at the window behind it to let in a narrow strip of light.

‘I’m sorry’ Nathan lifts his hand to touch hers ‘I’m really sorry. Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine’ Helen clasps his fingers and gives them a reassuring shake. She smiles ‘It’s you we were worried about’

‘Didn’t I say?’ Kester touches his hand against Nathan’s back.

‘Don’t fall out with her’ Nathan’s grip tightens ‘Not over something so stupid. Not over me. It wasn’t clever letting me think…’ he swallows hard ‘she was pregnant…but she’s your sister, your family. I know I went nuts and I’m sorry I let you see it go off but it’s not worth…’

‘Nathan, listen to me’ Helen says quietly, bobbing down in front of him and closing both her hands over his. ‘I want nothing to do with Blythe not because she tricked you into thinking she was pregnant but that…..’ she flicks a glance at Kester before continuing ‘ she boasted about how…’

‘Nooooo!’ Nathan moans, his head lowered and slowly shaking from side to side.

‘That’s what disgusted me’ Helen whispers ‘that’s what I couldn’t take’

‘Don’t do this, please don’t do this’ his head sinks further forward in despair.

‘Listen to her, mate’ Kester’s arm reaches around his shoulder.

‘I’ve been where you are’ Helen kneels, bringing her head down to be able to get eye contact ‘Remember? I know exactly how you’re feeling, exactly how you’ve been feeling ever since it happened. I know’ She gives his hands a gentle, empathetic squeeze.

‘You know nothing. I’m fine’ Nathan snatches his hands away and looks wildly around him.

‘Don’t I? Just because you’re a man doesn’t make it different’ she says gently.

‘You’re talking bollocks, nothing the matter with me that a couple of pints won’t cure’ Nathan refuses to look at her.

‘I’ll always be here if you need to talk’ Helen gets to her feet.

‘About what?’ he scoffs ‘Every bloke’s fantasy?’ his mouth twists in a parody of a smile. ‘I lost Steph because I was stupid enough to believe I’d got your cow of a sister up the duff and even more stupid for actually going and telling her’

‘No, Nathan, the only stupid thing you did was not telling Stephanie what really happened’

‘She’d’ve understood, right?’ his eyes cold, he sniggers ‘She’d’ve believed every word I said. She’d’ve probably insisted we took the baby and brought it up as our own’ he laughs sarcastically. ‘Her parents would have given their blessing; literally, and we all would have lived happily ever after. Right, yeah, how stupid of me’ he grunts ‘I got everything that was coming to me, I’ll deal with it’

Helen ignores Kester’s warning glance. ‘Like you did last night?’

‘I’m tired, I want to sleep’ Nathan says gruffly, turning away from Kester’s arm and effectively shrugging it off. He lays his head against the pillows and rolls over, curled in a ball with his back to them.

‘You need anything for the pain?’ Kester stands and lifts the bedclothes so that he can stretch out his legs.

‘No…let me enjoy it’ Nathan remains curled, his arm under one pillow and his face buried into it. ‘At least I know I’m alive’

Kester draws the bedclothes over him, touching his shoulder before moving away.

‘Your tea’s there’ Helen whispers and bends to kiss him. ’We love you, Nathan’ She pulls the curtains closed.

Tawny House, Manor Road

The Annexe

Chapter Twenty-seven

Samms Plant Hire, Oatfield

‘That was Helen’ Ingrid says as she puts the phone down ‘Nathan won’t be in’

‘Helen?’ Charlene swivels on her chair ‘what’s she ring for? Nathan usually says’

‘Not today’ Ingrid gathers the post and appointment diary together, knocking their edges on her desk to neaten the bundle ‘Bit the worse for wear. He’s round their house’

‘Nathan? But he don’t ever get so bad he can’t come to work. I just have t’make his coffee a bit strong, that’s all’ Charlene looks worried ‘I expect it’s cos a Steph’nie’

Ingrid turns in the doorway of Nathan’s office.

‘Yeah, I know now’ Charlene glowers at her reproachfully. ‘I dunno why you couldn’t a told me before. He said about it when we was having lunch. We talked ‘bout a lot a things’

‘I didn’t want you getting upset…’ Ingrid looks abashed ‘and I think Nathan hoped they might be able to sort something out, so I didn’t want to…’

‘It weren’t that, were it?’ Charlene contradicts with a tightening of her mouth and a withering stare. ‘It were like when me an’ Jon’than split up, it’d a made it worse if a lot a people said what they was sorry and everything but I’d a understood and not said nothing’ she says in a hurt voice.

‘He was in such a good mood yesterday, I thought maybe I was right and they were back together again’ Ingrid walks towards her ‘What with one thing and another, I didn’t get to talk to him, not properly, not about that’

‘Yeah, well, he weren’t, not really’ Charlene lowers her eyes and shuffles papers, glancing at her computer as if intending to start typing again.

‘Meaning?’

‘Nothing’

‘Charlene, I have to know these things so I don’t go and put my foot in it’

‘Like I had t’know what him an’ Steph’nie had broken up?’

‘He asked me not to say anything to anyone’

‘But not t’me! I’m his friend as well’

‘Yes. I’m sorry. Maybe I should have done’

‘Yeah, you should’ Charlene starts to type, her face heavy with resentment.

‘So, he wasn’t in a good mood after all?’ Ingrid presses.

‘No, he weren’t. Not a proper one’ her cheeks flush and she growls with annoyance for letting the words slip. She sighs and reluctantly faces Ingrid ‘I told him what he were stupid and he said what he knew he was but… he needed summat…sort of t’help him feel alright so’s he could come in an’ see people an’ that’

‘Oh God’ Ingrid groans, closing her eyes in brief supplication  ‘Not that, please. How come you found out?’

‘I int as stupid as I look, he were all over the place, telling me him and Steph’nie was split up but laughing and making jokes an’ that. I knows people what’s like it most a the time, okay? So I just said what he were an idiot an’ did he think I was an’ all cos I knowed what he were on summat’

‘And he admitted it?’

‘Yeah…’ Charlene nods once ‘So I said what he’d got any more an’ I took it off him cos I dint want him getting in trouble nor nothing’

‘But what did you do with it?’ Ingrid gasps ‘Surely to God you knew what a risk you were taking?’

‘I took it straight t’the ladies and shoved it down the plughole. There weren’t nobody in there, so nobody saw what I done. He never said nothing cos he knew what I was ever so angry with him and he were sort a angry with himself an’all. He were angry at everything really’ she adds with a sad shrug.

‘He was alright when he came back’

‘Yeah…p’raps it were still working. I dunno cos I int never done nothing like that…but he promised me he weren’t going t’do it again…and I said what he could come out with me and Jon’than if he liked…you know, if he were lonely or summat, It made me ever so sad, him and Steph’nie. I expect he were sad an’ all if he went an’ got drunk cos they’d had a row’

‘Mmm’ Ingrid nods noncommittally.